Gentlemen,
It is my great honor to submit to you, the Council of Great
Powers, this referendum on the location, and purpose, for the Expedition of
These United States to the continent of Daftrica, so recently voted upon by the
Congress.
The civilian administration, American Expeditionary Force,
and certain other supernumeraries of the American mission to this new continent
shall land in New Hudson Bay, and maintain the surrounding areas as a
protectorate of These United States of America, granting its residents all the
freedoms guaranteed to our fellow man by God. These United States also maintain
that the two chains of islands leading to the northwest are indispensable to
our effort on the continent as coaling stations and supply bases, and certain
other administrative needs. However, an invitation is extended to all Christian
men whom come in peace to also make use of these islands to relieve their
travel weariness and as a neutral ground for all disputes to be settled.
It is our hope, and mission, that God willing we shall be
able to do our part in assisting the world community to bring peace, equality,
and enlightenment to the continent and all its residents, and help combat the
forces of Radical Tribalism that so oppress these poor Godless peoples.
A.
Burnside, Maj Gen (ret)
Governor of the New Hudson Bay Colony
Subsection A:
It has been brought to my attention by Mr. B. Butler,
Secretary for Mexican(ish) Affairs, that certain facts have been misrepresented
to the world community by the aforementioned power. It is our honest hope and
belief that no acrimony was intended by His Most Catholic Majesty’s officials,
and that no enmity is harbored for their misreporting. It is our belief that
this was no more that an oversight caused by nothing more than a simple
mistake. It is our duty to report to the world community that the news of the
supposed victory of the Southern Rebels in the late Civil War has been a bit
premature. As this letter is written, the Southern states have been
successfully and happily re integrated into the Union. Furthermore, as we are
all Americans under one Flag and Constitution again, we would like to thank His
Most Catholic Majesty for the materiel assistance he provided our Southern
Brethren, in what he was surely, but mistakenly, informed, was a struggle for
freedom from oppression. The Government of These United States fully intends to
return these Gifts of the Mexican People, with our thanks, and they shall be
ferried to the new continent to expedite their return and in the hope that
shall be of use in the founding of the Mexican Colony. To that end, the following list had
been compiled from Confederate records.
Qty: 123,000; Balls, Round, Tin, .75” Caliber
Qty: 14,783 pairs; Epaulettes, Brass.
Qty: 17,646; scabbards, 41”, for below
Qty: 926; Sword, Rapier, Cup Hilt. (damaged in transit)
Qty: 7,149 Stiffeners, for Forage cap.
Qty: 22,189; Bayonets, Plug, 1” Caliber.
Qty: 4,326; Helmets, Morion, Comb.
Qty: 38,492; Hats, Straw, Over Large Brim, with hanging ball
tassels.
Qty 9,436; Boots, Left Foot, Burgundy.
Qty: 4,326 Boots, Right Foot, Turquoise.
Qty: 42,798; Bibles, Holy, Spanish Language.
Qty 28,000lbs; Cakes, Cornmeal, supplied without leavening
agent.
Qty: 157; skulls, ceramic, hand painted
Qty: 238 pairs; instrument, rattles, large, painted.
Qty: 6,489; tins, 8 oz, wax, moustache.
Qty: 23,000 pairs; chaps, with frills.
Qty: 78,000; Helmets, Pith, Butternut color.
I, Pablo Juan Antonio, Miguel Maria Agusto Santander, Viceroy of The Mexicanish Colony of Cacatormenta respectfully acknowledges receiving the aforementioned listed items. We thank the Federal United States government for these gifts, but deny that this was the material assistance provided the Confederate States of America. We provided 44 million pounds of Gunpowder. Perhaps your government has confused local ladies auxiliary charity donations privately raised in Mexico with formal government transfers. Whether these items are of Mexicanish origin or not, they shall all be put to good use. As to the continued existence of the Confederate States of America, I would remind his Excellency, Governor Burnside, that the conquest of one state {Tennessee}, does not constitute the conquest of all eleven Confederate States. The Confederate States of America does exist and its capital houses numerous missions and embassies to attest to its existence.
ReplyDeleteAs to these items allow me to advise the world of their important uses
Qty: 123,000; Balls, Round, Tin, .75” Caliber
Absolutely perfect for close range grape shot.
Qty: 14,783 pairs; Epaulettes, Brass.
SHINY UNIFORM MEDALS, We can never have enough!
Qty: 17,646; scabbards, 41”, for below
Dignity in all things must be maintained, these also work for us as prophylactics
Qty: 926; Sword, Rapier, Cup Hilt. (damaged in transit)
Easily repaired and Honor must be respected.
Qty: 7,149 Stiffeners, for Forage cap.
Spiffy Uniforms are a must to impress the savages.
Qty: 22,189; Bayonets, Plug, 1” Caliber.
MORE MACHETES!!!!!!
Qty: 4,326; Helmets, Morion, Comb.
These may have been accidentally shipped north as I have an equal number of Decorative Breastplates for our Cabildo Abierto.
Qty: 38,492; Hats, Straw, Over Large Brim, with hanging ball tassels.
Once tarred to keep out the elements you can never have enough headgear.
Qty 9,436; Boots, Left Foot, Burgundy.
Qty: 4,326 Boots, Right Foot, Turquoise.
These are the troops favorite colors so they will look forward to summer uniform issue! Pity your 'veterans' seem to have lost so many left feet.
Qty: 42,798; Bibles, Holy, Spanish Language.
Carrying the faith to the natives required the Word of God.
Qty 28,000lbs; Cakes, Cornmeal, supplied without leavening agent.
Add 112,000lbs of frijoles and voila, four months field rations!
Qty: 157; skulls, ceramic, hand painted
The Contessa will enjoy adding these to her Dia Los Muertos collection.
Qty: 238 pairs; instrument, rattles, large, painted.
Maracas, you can not have a fiesta without Maracas
Qty: 6,489; tins, 8 oz, wax, moustache.
The Mexicanish Army Salutes you as a gentleman and a scholar!
Qty: 23,000 pairs; chaps, with frills.
A rather large amount but perhaps this is God telling us our horsemen will be riding a great deal with so much territory to investigate?
Qty: 78,000; Helmets, Pith, Butternut color.
The entire world has been wondering where they were since the Dutch/Belgian Incident of a decade ago. It is always good to solve an old mystery, so it was the Americans who stole these? We will hold onto them until the ownership matter is clarified.
Your grace.